In 2027 there was a great need in the United Imperial States of Earth for private messenger and delivery services
after UPS and FedEx had systematically wiped each other off of the planet during the FedEx/UPS War of 2022.
DHL, a well known "third wheel," was destroyed within the first days of fighting, trying to keep up with the Delivery
Giants. To help meet this new and growing need, an enterprising 19-year-old, Jefferson Davis Delphinus ("Jeffy"
to his friends), borrowed $10,000 from an ex-girlfriend who thought he was going to marry her, and established
the United Imperial States of Earth Messenger Company in Winston-Salem-Cheney, North Carolina.
after UPS and FedEx had systematically wiped each other off of the planet during the FedEx/UPS War of 2022.
DHL, a well known "third wheel," was destroyed within the first days of fighting, trying to keep up with the Delivery
Giants. To help meet this new and growing need, an enterprising 19-year-old, Jefferson Davis Delphinus ("Jeffy"
to his friends), borrowed $10,000 from an ex-girlfriend who thought he was going to marry her, and established
the United Imperial States of Earth Messenger Company in Winston-Salem-Cheney, North Carolina.
The young company focused on package delivery for porno outlets, as the non-crappy internet had yet to be
created. For about two years, the company's largest client was the United Imperial States of Earth Postal
Service, for which they delivered special delivery mail entering all the Southern States other than West
Virginia, due to that state's continuing support for marrying farm animals. During this period, the company
began using consolidated delivery. That is putting packages addressed to a certain neighborhood onto one
delivery vehicle. A concept Jeffy, himself, commented on to one of his shipping managers, "why he hell
weren't we doing this before you GD morons!" This way, man power and motorized equipment could be used
more efficiently, and rates could be kept low. This became vital with the mounting lawsuits surrounding the
Pink Dolphin Girls off-the-clock activities.
created. For about two years, the company's largest client was the United Imperial States of Earth Postal
Service, for which they delivered special delivery mail entering all the Southern States other than West
Virginia, due to that state's continuing support for marrying farm animals. During this period, the company
began using consolidated delivery. That is putting packages addressed to a certain neighborhood onto one
delivery vehicle. A concept Jeffy, himself, commented on to one of his shipping managers, "why he hell
weren't we doing this before you GD morons!" This way, man power and motorized equipment could be used
more efficiently, and rates could be kept low. This became vital with the mounting lawsuits surrounding the
Pink Dolphin Girls off-the-clock activities.
The world "Delphinus" served as a reminder that
the company's operations were run by Jeffy and
Jeffy alone (his brother having been shot dead at
the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 2038),
"Inner-Galactic" was to showcase their new delivery
route, even if they had lost dozens of shipments
trying to get to the Moon which was, as of yet,
uninhabited, "Parcel" identified the nature of the
business because they were still getting calls from
the "Blow-Hole" hanger-ons, and "Service" worked
for the "s" to make the word "DIPS."
the company's operations were run by Jeffy and
Jeffy alone (his brother having been shot dead at
the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 2038),
"Inner-Galactic" was to showcase their new delivery
route, even if they had lost dozens of shipments
trying to get to the Moon which was, as of yet,
uninhabited, "Parcel" identified the nature of the
business because they were still getting calls from
the "Blow-Hole" hanger-ons, and "Service" worked
for the "s" to make the word "DIPS."
At the same time, DIPS decided to use legal
means to seek an extension of its operations
to become a complete and total monopoly in
the field of delivery. Under the new laws of the
United Imperial States of Earth, a simple online
form, designed for businesses making profits
for its CEOs totaling over one million dollars a
quarter, could be easily acquired to permit
such a stranglehold on the market place.
Over the next 3 days, DIPS waited anxiously
for a reply, and finally received the official
approval in 2054.
means to seek an extension of its operations
to become a complete and total monopoly in
the field of delivery. Under the new laws of the
United Imperial States of Earth, a simple online
form, designed for businesses making profits
for its CEOs totaling over one million dollars a
quarter, could be easily acquired to permit
such a stranglehold on the market place.
Over the next 3 days, DIPS waited anxiously
for a reply, and finally received the official
approval in 2054.
With growing demand for faster service to both the Moon and Mars, DIPS entered the one month air
delivery business, and by 2075, DIPS Next-Month-Air Service was available to all of the known settled Solar
System Planets from every point in the UISE save Switzerland, which had become a landfill for the countries
of Europe. That same year, DIPS entered a new era with inner-galactic air package and document service,
linking the United Imperial States of Earth and six Alpha Centauri planets. In 2085, DIPS expanded its
operations to reach as far out into the Milky Way Galaxy as their now aging vessels could withstand.
Recruiting the best people available (a new policy since the Hooter's Girls and the 10 year span of hiring
Business Communications Majors) DIPS was now depended upon by all Carbon Based Life Forms
Galaxy-wide.
delivery business, and by 2075, DIPS Next-Month-Air Service was available to all of the known settled Solar
System Planets from every point in the UISE save Switzerland, which had become a landfill for the countries
of Europe. That same year, DIPS entered a new era with inner-galactic air package and document service,
linking the United Imperial States of Earth and six Alpha Centauri planets. In 2085, DIPS expanded its
operations to reach as far out into the Milky Way Galaxy as their now aging vessels could withstand.
Recruiting the best people available (a new policy since the Hooter's Girls and the 10 year span of hiring
Business Communications Majors) DIPS was now depended upon by all Carbon Based Life Forms
Galaxy-wide.
By 2095 DIPS was delivering 11.5 billion packages and documents a day for more than one billion
regular customers. With such a huge volume, DIPS had to develop new technology to maintain
efficiency, keep prices competitive, and to prevent its crews from pirating their own cargo to sell on the
black market of Persephone. Technology at DIPS spans an incredible range, from small devices
embedded into the ear lobe of each HLD (Heavy Lifting Designate), to specially designed package
delivery vehicles (vessels built with what is known as "Cargo Space"), to Intergalactic computer and
communications systems (running Windows 2095). But DIPS largest success has always relied on its
delivery crews. While the United Imperial States of Earth had completely turned its postal operations
over to the growing Undead population as recently as 2088, DIPS knew that using living Carbon Based
Life Forms were essential to maintaining such a high standard of service. Even after the
Android-Undead Union won legal basis for affirmative action hiring practice, Sandford was able to keep
those employees to local low-end positions, thereby avoiding adding an Undead or Android employee to
his coveted shipping crews.
regular customers. With such a huge volume, DIPS had to develop new technology to maintain
efficiency, keep prices competitive, and to prevent its crews from pirating their own cargo to sell on the
black market of Persephone. Technology at DIPS spans an incredible range, from small devices
embedded into the ear lobe of each HLD (Heavy Lifting Designate), to specially designed package
delivery vehicles (vessels built with what is known as "Cargo Space"), to Intergalactic computer and
communications systems (running Windows 2095). But DIPS largest success has always relied on its
delivery crews. While the United Imperial States of Earth had completely turned its postal operations
over to the growing Undead population as recently as 2088, DIPS knew that using living Carbon Based
Life Forms were essential to maintaining such a high standard of service. Even after the
Android-Undead Union won legal basis for affirmative action hiring practice, Sandford was able to keep
those employees to local low-end positions, thereby avoiding adding an Undead or Android employee to
his coveted shipping crews.
Even though DIPS has always held the highest number of
successful deliveries of any company in all 12 of the known
galaxies, at an unmatched 61% survival rating, Sandford
wanted to provide answers to the millions of phone calls
flooding the DIPS complaint lines regarding missing packages.
So, in 2101, the DIPS Tracking System was established. With
its instigation, customers were guaranteed notification upon loss
of their package due to vessel malfunction, hostile alien attack,
or unforeseen Universe phenomenon. At this time, it was
discovered bands of delivery crews from rival companies were
pirating DIPS ships and either demanding money to not destroy
DIPS cargo, or seizing the cargo themselves to hold for ransom,
targeting the receiver and refusing delivery unless their
financial demands were met. Thanks to extensive training on
the part of the DIPS crews, and the tireless efforts of the
Galactic Police (GP), this practice has all but been eliminated.
successful deliveries of any company in all 12 of the known
galaxies, at an unmatched 61% survival rating, Sandford
wanted to provide answers to the millions of phone calls
flooding the DIPS complaint lines regarding missing packages.
So, in 2101, the DIPS Tracking System was established. With
its instigation, customers were guaranteed notification upon loss
of their package due to vessel malfunction, hostile alien attack,
or unforeseen Universe phenomenon. At this time, it was
discovered bands of delivery crews from rival companies were
pirating DIPS ships and either demanding money to not destroy
DIPS cargo, or seizing the cargo themselves to hold for ransom,
targeting the receiver and refusing delivery unless their
financial demands were met. Thanks to extensive training on
the part of the DIPS crews, and the tireless efforts of the
Galactic Police (GP), this practice has all but been eliminated.
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We're Dedicated, We're Dependable, We're DIPS
2027-2032
| The FedEx/UPS War of 2022 (actual photo) |
2033-2038
2039-2049
2050-2069
2070-2089
2090-2099
2100-Today
Jeffy ran the service from a humble office located under an overturned sausage truck. Jeffy's brother,
Alexander Stephen Delphinus recruited a handful of Hooter's waitresses as the company's first messangers.
The company did well with stiff competition, largely because of Jeffy's strict policies of customer courtesy,
reliability, around-the-clock assistance, and full service massage. Because of its high standard of service
and personalized attention to every gentleman's package handled, the young company built a strong
reputation among the single men over 50 in the city.
Alexander Stephen Delphinus recruited a handful of Hooter's waitresses as the company's first messangers.
The company did well with stiff competition, largely because of Jeffy's strict policies of customer courtesy,
reliability, around-the-clock assistance, and full service massage. Because of its high standard of service
and personalized attention to every gentleman's package handled, the young company built a strong
reputation among the single men over 50 in the city.
According to accounts given by Jeffy,
there were quite a few messenger
services already in area, mostly running
bootleg tobacco products into "smoke
free states" such as Massachusetts and
California. Jeffy had worked for a few of
them in the past as a "Fire Footed
Soldier," the name given the fastest
delivery boys who could get the nicotine
products to addicted customers before
their buzzes wore off. From these
experiences, he accumulated a solid
base in delivery skills.
there were quite a few messenger
services already in area, mostly running
bootleg tobacco products into "smoke
free states" such as Massachusetts and
California. Jeffy had worked for a few of
them in the past as a "Fire Footed
Soldier," the name given the fastest
delivery boys who could get the nicotine
products to addicted customers before
their buzzes wore off. From these
experiences, he accumulated a solid
base in delivery skills.
| Fire Footed Soldiers circa 2023 |
One of the top delivery girls, Britney,
was fond of wearing a skin tight tank
top featuring a pink dolphin. The logo
caught on, and the girls began being
known around Winston-Salem-Cheney
as the "Pink Dolphin Girls" with their
strong clientele base gaining fame as
the "Blow Hole Bunch."
was fond of wearing a skin tight tank
top featuring a pink dolphin. The logo
caught on, and the girls began being
known around Winston-Salem-Cheney
as the "Pink Dolphin Girls" with their
strong clientele base gaining fame as
the "Blow Hole Bunch."
| Two Pink Dolphin Girls wearing the signature Pink Dolphin tank tops (photo courtesy of the estate of Benjamin Harris) |
The year 2033 brought several significant
changes. The company aquired its first delivery
hover craft, a Model T Ford- Lincoln-
-Mercury-Nissan-Toyota-Saturn, and on its side
was inscribed a new name: Pink Dolphin Parcel
Delivery. The new name, partially the result of a
lost beer bet with his brother, Alex, reflected a
shift in the primary focus of the business from
massages to packages. The business, also
called the PDPD, began to grow quickly.
changes. The company aquired its first delivery
hover craft, a Model T Ford- Lincoln-
-Mercury-Nissan-Toyota-Saturn, and on its side
was inscribed a new name: Pink Dolphin Parcel
Delivery. The new name, partially the result of a
lost beer bet with his brother, Alex, reflected a
shift in the primary focus of the business from
massages to packages. The business, also
called the PDPD, began to grow quickly.
In 2036, Franklin Pierce joined the company,
bringing with him moonshine and slaves from
the Southern Hemisphere. He also brought
the color Royal Blue, claiming "the chicks look
hot in pink, but the guys look like fags."
bringing with him moonshine and slaves from
the Southern Hemisphere. He also brought
the color Royal Blue, claiming "the chicks look
hot in pink, but the guys look like fags."
During World War IV, the concern over fuel
shortages reached across the United
Imperial States of Earth and threatened
most of the delivery service companies.
DIPS, however, was untouched by this
phenomenon. Before his mysterious
disappearance on a Disney Big Red Boat
Cruise Ship, Franklin Pierce had negotiated
the return of his Southern Hemispheric
slaves for the complete and total ownership
of the country Liberty II, then known as
Venezuela. With its rich oil resources
completely in their hands, Jeffy and Frank
were able to continue their high standards
of service throughout a difficult time.
shortages reached across the United
Imperial States of Earth and threatened
most of the delivery service companies.
DIPS, however, was untouched by this
phenomenon. Before his mysterious
disappearance on a Disney Big Red Boat
Cruise Ship, Franklin Pierce had negotiated
the return of his Southern Hemispheric
slaves for the complete and total ownership
of the country Liberty II, then known as
Venezuela. With its rich oil resources
completely in their hands, Jeffy and Frank
were able to continue their high standards
of service throughout a difficult time.
In 2050 DIPS was dealt a lucky break when the original Moon colony survived its first four months, then realized
they needed more food, water and tampons. In a virtual crap shoot, DIPS launched all 27 of its space vessels
at once to meet the need. 10 burned up before leaving the atmosphere, 8 overshot the Moon and ran out of
fuel and life support, 4 discovered what they called the "New World," which was actually Pennsylvania, but the
remaining 5 ships arrived safely with the much needed provisions.
they needed more food, water and tampons. In a virtual crap shoot, DIPS launched all 27 of its space vessels
at once to meet the need. 10 burned up before leaving the atmosphere, 8 overshot the Moon and ran out of
fuel and life support, 4 discovered what they called the "New World," which was actually Pennsylvania, but the
remaining 5 ships arrived safely with the much needed provisions.
| Original Moon Colony 2051 (Courtesy of the Luna Museum of Peary Crater Lake) |
The 2060's was an exciting time for DIPS. The discovery of
Martians, after they'd completely annihilated the EArth's
Moon Colonies for their own use as vacation destinations,
opened up a new arena for delivery service. Jefferson Davis
(no longer allowing anyone but his grandmother to call him
"Jeffy") made an agreement with the Martian leaders to
create an open exchange of goods, products, and slaves
(also known as "out-sourced labor") between the two
neighboring planets. This historic convergence of service
areas became known within DIPS as the "Red Link."service
areas became known within DIPS as the "Red Link."
Martians, after they'd completely annihilated the EArth's
Moon Colonies for their own use as vacation destinations,
opened up a new arena for delivery service. Jefferson Davis
(no longer allowing anyone but his grandmother to call him
"Jeffy") made an agreement with the Martian leaders to
create an open exchange of goods, products, and slaves
(also known as "out-sourced labor") between the two
neighboring planets. This historic convergence of service
areas became known within DIPS as the "Red Link."service
areas became known within DIPS as the "Red Link."
| DIPS logo as it is known across the Galaxies today |
Operations to the Inner Rim got underway the next year after
a two week gambling spree allowed Jefferson Davis to
purchase the first Chevette Class Vessels, the only ships of
the fleet able to hold enough fuel for a two month duration.
Although these United Imperial States of Earth ships were
proven far inferior to the Cardassian made Akords, Jefferson
Davis, after his company's expansion to other star systems
and following his three failed marriages to two Cylon women
and a Xenomorph, had developed an unhealthy prejudice
against those living outside of his own Solar System.
Fortunately for the company, its founder was forced to
relocate to the humid swamps of Venus due to a skin disease
acquired in the brothels of Qo'nos. This is where he spent
the remaining years of his life.
a two week gambling spree allowed Jefferson Davis to
purchase the first Chevette Class Vessels, the only ships of
the fleet able to hold enough fuel for a two month duration.
Although these United Imperial States of Earth ships were
proven far inferior to the Cardassian made Akords, Jefferson
Davis, after his company's expansion to other star systems
and following his three failed marriages to two Cylon women
and a Xenomorph, had developed an unhealthy prejudice
against those living outside of his own Solar System.
Fortunately for the company, its founder was forced to
relocate to the humid swamps of Venus due to a skin disease
acquired in the brothels of Qo'nos. This is where he spent
the remaining years of his life.
Soon after the departure of Jefferson Davis, John Sandford,
Jefferson's long time friend and dealer, took over command
of the company. He was a man twenty-seven years
Jefferson's junior, and it showed in the gusto he brought to
the expanding company. Sandford had made most of his
money in the sales of hallucinogens to distant mining
colonies, giving him a great deal of smuggling experience.
(This always reminded Jefferson Davis of his early days back
in Winston-Salem-Cheney and the illegal tobacco trade)
Sandford was perfect for the Intergalactic delivery giant who
had its sights set on expanding to the Outer Rim planets.
Jefferson's long time friend and dealer, took over command
of the company. He was a man twenty-seven years
Jefferson's junior, and it showed in the gusto he brought to
the expanding company. Sandford had made most of his
money in the sales of hallucinogens to distant mining
colonies, giving him a great deal of smuggling experience.
(This always reminded Jefferson Davis of his early days back
in Winston-Salem-Cheney and the illegal tobacco trade)
Sandford was perfect for the Intergalactic delivery giant who
had its sights set on expanding to the Outer Rim planets.
.
| Franklin Pierce circa 2041 |
| Jefferson Davis Delphinus circa 2065 D.I.P.S. History Museum, Gatlinburg, TN |
| Model T-Ford-Lincoln-Mercury-Nissan-Toyota-Saturn Hover Craft (Courtesy of the Delphinus Estate) |
| John Sandford circa 2092 |
Founded in 2027 by Jefferson Davis Delphinus as a messenger company in the United
Imperial States of Earth (U.I.S.E.) following the FedEx/UPS War of 2022, DIPS has
grown into a zillion dollar corporation by clearly focusing on the goal of getting stuff
places. Today, DIPS is an Intergalactic company with one of the most recognized and
admired brands across the Galaxies, the Big Pink Dolphin. We have become the
Galaxies' largest package delivery company, boasting of the top delivery survival rate at
61%! Every day, we manage the flow of goods, funds, and life forms to move than 100
planets in all of the 12 known galaxies.
Imperial States of Earth (U.I.S.E.) following the FedEx/UPS War of 2022, DIPS has
grown into a zillion dollar corporation by clearly focusing on the goal of getting stuff
places. Today, DIPS is an Intergalactic company with one of the most recognized and
admired brands across the Galaxies, the Big Pink Dolphin. We have become the
Galaxies' largest package delivery company, boasting of the top delivery survival rate at
61%! Every day, we manage the flow of goods, funds, and life forms to move than 100
planets in all of the 12 known galaxies.
The Beginnings
Example of a Chevette-Class Vessel
In 2039, the company made its first expansion beyond the UISE to the first delivery outside of the planet's
atmosphere to the Moon, and adopted most of its present name, Delphinus Inner-Galactic Parcel Service.
atmosphere to the Moon, and adopted most of its present name, Delphinus Inner-Galactic Parcel Service.
DIPS Logo
2039-2091
2039-2091
DIPS first went intergalactic in 2091
when it offered services to the Core
Planets. This was the year Jefferson
Davis officially changed the company
name to the Delphinus Intergalactic
Parcel Service.
when it offered services to the Core
Planets. This was the year Jefferson
Davis officially changed the company
name to the Delphinus Intergalactic
Parcel Service.